Editors note: Montes can be heard 8-11 a.m. Saturdays on KHRO 1650 AM, while Hudnall can be heard 6-8 p.m. weekdays on the same station. By the way, his opening comment about David K, who has a show from 6-7 a.m. weekdays, is tongue-in-cheek -- as is this exchange, one would imagine. Hector couldn't be this mean to his callers, could he?

***

Hector Montes: Right now we have Nacho on the line.

Nacho (caller): I'd like to get a reading, if you're actually doing them.

Montes: I am doing readings because I'm constantly noticing that I appear to have--for lack of a better term--psychic powers. For example, one day David K, our right wing white separatist talk show host in the morning M-F at 6 mentioned the music of Buck Owens. Well it so happened that the night before, I had bought a Buck Owens CD at ATMV and I was planning to burn a copy for him and leave it at the station that very day. On another occasion, I had Don Kirkpactric, the Democratic party activist on as a guest. As I was leaving my house for the station, for some reason at the last minute I grabbed a Roy Orbison CD to play as bumper music. Well, it so happens that Don actually knew Roy Orbison in Odessa, Texas, and when I played the music, he recounted some great stories about Roy, one of the greatest stars in the history of rock 'n roll. So anyway, if nothing else, I have what my colleague Sito Negron would refer to as music and psychic powers.

Nacho: My question is about money and finances...

Montes: First let me ask you something, because I'm getting a real strong feeling. Do you have a little food dish and a water dish in your house or backyard?

Nacho: Yes, I do.

Montes: You have a dog, don't you?

Nacho: Actually, we have cats.

Montes: Dog, cat, it's a small difference. I was right about the dishes.

Nacho: Anyway, Nancy, my girlfriend and I were wondering if we should invest some money we have or spend it on remodeling of our house..

Montes: You don't really like cats do you?

Nacho: Why do you ask that?

Montes: Because I'm getting a strong feeling that's it's someone else who really wants the cat in the house. Someone with a name beginning in M like Mary, Maria, Martha, or the letter N like...

Nacho: The cats actually belong to my girlfriend Nancy.

Montes: There you go. I knew that. Did you say cats--plural?.

Nacho: She's got two.

Montes: So I guess you've never heard the saying that you should never get involved with a woman with more than one cat.

Nacho: No I haven't.

Montes: I know you haven't.

Nacho: Anyway should we remodel or invest the money?

Montes: When is your birthday?

Nacho: It's coming up next month, June 30.

Montes: Born what year?

Nacho: 1956.

Montes: Okay 06+30+56. 92. And what is your girlfriend going to give you as a gift for your birthday?

Nacho: Well, nothing this year. We agreed to not give each other gifts this year. We're going to use the money to either invest or remodel...

Montes: No gift? And what about on her birthday, you're not going to give her a gift?

Nacho: I guess not, we agreed...

Montes: No flowers?

Nacho: I'll probably get her some flowers...

Montes: I knew that. Probably some chocolates, too. What else is she selfish about?

Nacho: Nothing, really...

Montes: Come on, now...

Nacho: I guess maybe she hogs the remote on the TV too much.

Montes: I thought it was the men that hogged the remote.

Nacho: Not in this case.

Montes: Well maybe you should read some books while she watches TV.

Nacho: Funny you should say that, because sometimes she'll be reading a book and still wants to control what we're watching on TV.

Montes: I knew that. Why do you think I said you should read some books?

Nacho: So should we remodel the house?

Montes: Did you buy the house together?

Nacho: No, she bought it and I moved in later.

Montes: So you want to invest together or remodel her house? I suggest that you run, not walk away from this woman.

Nacho: Break up with her? We've been together a long time.

Montes: Yet you're not married. Is she some sort of former fashion model?

Nacho: No, of course not. So I should break up with her?

Montes: Well, duhhhhh! I need to go to a break, thanks Nacho.