July 10, 2007
July 9, 2007
City Representative Rachel Quintana
City of El Paso
2 Civic Center Plaza
El Paso, Texas 79901
Dear Ms. Quintana,
I made a promise on my radio show to help you with some of the problems you've been having since taking your seat on City Council. I intend to make good on this promise in this letter. Besides, I'm looking to get me a stable of elected folks to control and you could be my start.
I knew you were a little shy in speaking with the media and in front of crowds when you were running for office. The second you came up with more votes than Jimmy Suerken that all became water under the bridge. You proved that your strategy worked and all of us in the media had to eat crow. You didn't need us to win, and that really hurt. We've been sulking ever since.
Well, you haven't changed your mind about the media and it appears you have no intention of holding community meetings. That media you're so intent on avoiding can put together some rough stories – just look at how KVIA decided to treat your non-response
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We need to figure out why you are not inclined to talk to the media or hold public meetings. Ignoring your constituents won't really hurt you in your district, only five of them vote. Not letting the media in will hurt you, though.
Let's cover the community meetings first.
Community Meetings
I know you are busy. I know you are a single mother. I also know that your constituents need their requisite bitching time each month. The biggest fear you may have is not having answers to their questions or concerns. You don't need answers. You need catch phrases.
Remember, those who come to these community meetings are mostly happy to just get their concerns off of their chest. Your answers are secondary to their need to pontificate. You need to learn 50 different ways to say, "I'll check on that" to be successful at these meetings.
"We've been looking into that for quite some time."
"I'll be sure to let you know where we are with that issue."
"I have a meeting with the head of the department this week, we can clear that up."
"I'm concerned as well and I'm going to make this a priority in the next few weeks."
Throw the phrase "quality of life" in as much possible; it's the new "uh" in El Paso politics.
Of course you can always bring some fresh meat for the lions. Department heads and other city officials are great guests that take the heat off of you. Don't feel bad, they get paid more than you do.
I know you are probably worried about the "Luther question." You've been elected for the next four years. You're not going anywhere. If you are connected to him fine. If not then say so. They will ask it and once you answer it, it's over. Although I hope you say "no" to the question seeing as how I see this letter as the first step in recruiting you as one of my political puppets.
In all seriousness, you need to have these meetings. Your district needs to participate in government and they are sorely behind the rest of the city. Maybe you can be the one to charge them up and get them out to vote.
The Media
The media is simple. You just have to know who you are speaking to when giving an interview.
The pretty people holding microphones are with the TV news. They aren't used to hearing "no" in this market. They can't imagine why anybody wouldn't want to be on camera. You should fear these guys the least. They don't have a clue what's going on in the political world and their questions are usually pretty soft. Your interview will be bumped if it rains or someone dies, so if you ever screw up and say something stupid either pray for rain or kill someone.
The best approach with the TV folks is to speak in 10 second or less bites. Once again, say "quality of life" as much as you can. They're not interested in whether or not you answered the question. They are interested in a few seconds of your voice to go along with the pretty pictures they took. They will never ask you the "Luther question." On the off chance they do ask you, answer with either a "yes" or "no." They hate that because they can't show many pretty pictures when you stick to one word answers.
The ugly people with pens are print journalists. You need to be very careful with them. They know a lot about what's going on. They also have a license to use ellipses (…), which means they can tie two things together that you said three minutes apart. They do their research and they live for political stories. Be honest with these guys because they'll check.
Vagueness is your friend. Never say anything about someone if you don't want to hear what they'll say back. These guys will get a quote in response to your quote. They submit lots of "open records requests" so they'll have copies of your emails and other correspondence. Don't put anything in writing that you wouldn't want to see on the front page of the paper.
Your talk radio options are simple. I'll detail how things will go if you decide to appear on any of the few local shows.
David K Show (me) – Don't worry about me asking you hard questions, I let the callers do that. Expect them to focus more on hating me than giving a damn about what you have to say. Also expect us to be rumored to be in "cahoots" after you appear on my show. Heck, we may be in "cahoots" after this letter if things go right.
Paul Strelzin - Since you are younger than him he'll talk down to you like you're a moron who may one day be smart like him. Good show to be on since he has a gaggle of listeners who would jump off a bridge if he asked them to. Luther question will be asked.
Barbara Perez – Since you are younger than her she'll talk down to you like you're a moron who may one day be smart like her. You've already had an experience with her – she hung up on you. I'm sure you'll hold a grudge for a while. Luther question will be asked. (I know both of them will be mad at me for talking about how they treat younger people, but it's true. I don't think they realize that they do it.)
Sito Negron – He is also a print media guy. He's a super stickler for the "facts." They get in the way of him ever having any fun. If I were to tell him that I'm 6 feet tall he'd measure me and report that I said I'm 6 feet tall and in parenthesis he'd put 5 foot 11 inches and 5/8. He'll give you about two "quality of life" cop outs and then ask you to define what you mean. Be careful with him, he’s been known to suck the fun out of political conversations. Will ask Luther questions, but won’t really care how you answer.
Hector Montes - You're Hispanic, so you'll do fine on his show. You'll probably be asked to talk about your favorite way to torture white Republicans. Be prepared to talk about Mexico annexing the southwestern part of the United States.
Ken Hudnall – Softball interview here. He'd probably have you submit to a psychic reading and then talk about the time you thought you saw a ghost at your grandma's house. Definitely a must do interview if you ever hope to appeal to the ever growing "abductees" segment of the electorate.
Once again, in all seriousness you need to be up front with the media. A "no comment" is better than nothing. At least they can't say you don't return phone calls. I think the media is a fair entity as a whole in this town as long as you are not aiming to smelt some copper anytime soon.
You're now a public person and you will need a public image to go along with it. You can control that. If you join my team and do everything I say, I'll do it for you.
Please feel free to contact me at any time with questions – I'll be out painting my stables.